Gone

Would this be a good day to die? I’m I wearing the right clothes? More importantly, am I wearing the right shoes? My shoes are cute. They’re happy. What would my eulogy say? How long will you remember me? But knowing me, I’ll probably be late to my own funeral. I have confessed to my inability to arrive anywhere punctually, so I am pretty sure I’ll be late to my own funeral, doing a running jump into my casket like the inconsiderate jerk I am, right before the pastor tells everyone how awesome I was and the choir sings a rousing rendition of “I Luh God.” Please tell everyone that the dress code is all red everything, and check with my best friend to see if you’re on the list of people who aren’t invited, because leave it up to me to be petty from the Great Beyond. If I didn’t mess with you while I was here, I surely don’t need to see your feet at my highly exclusive homegoing.

I think about my death from time to time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suicidal, far from it actually, I’m an annoyingly jovial person. I see lives of young people get lost everyday by things beyond our power, and I always wonder, should the same fate befall me, what kind of impact would it have to my friends and family?

My mother would be devastated, I pray for her poor soul. My dad, well, I’m the apple of his eye. I don’t even want to think how he will be able to come to terms with it. I mourn for the heartbreak my brother will have to go through. I think about my best friends. Waridi, would probably post about me on social media everyday. We have so much to accomplish together. I would hate for our dreams to go with me and I would hope she will accomplish them because that is what I would want. My Jani would be so broken, all the plans and ambitions we are supposed to execute when she comes back to the country. Bubbles, my love, would probably be busy on the day of the funeral. She’s always busy this one. Bae, i don’t know about this one, but he would be broken I’m sure. His forever card taken away from him before even the first quarter. It would be so unfair.

What bothers me more,to be honest , is if it would be an awakening call or a breaking point. I would love for it to be an awakening call. To live a life for the moment as I would want. I am the most carefree person the people in my circle know, and I hope that is how I’m remembered. As a girl who was never afraid to live and never took anything too seriously. Which is not always a good thing,for others, never for me, I’m too free to care 😅😅

But above all, I always wonder if they will know how deeply I love them, and I would want nothing but the best for them. If for nothing else, then for my loss, you deserve the very best in this life as you live for two now. I love you, bizarrely and irrationally, but love nonetheless.

May you always find the grace and strength to be with the best and to live your best, for those who have gone before us, I believe this is what they would want

Xo,

Rasta baby🤗

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