Open Apology From All Irresponsible And Absentee Fathers

I know this won’t heal the wounds, but allow me to help you fit in their shoes. because we keep on blaming them and rebuking them. lets take a minute to understand them. These are my two cents to you. Like Mark Maish, am sure most of us have gone through this.

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I know this has been no walk in the park for us. You know, you, me, mum and your siblings. I cant even try to start and explain myself. I know sorry isn’t enough. And I am not even sure if I will be able to forgive myself. Though I do hope and pray that you be able to forgive me for your heart to be at peace. If I could change the hands of time and go back and take back all the nasty comments and insults I hurled at you, your mum and siblings I would. I am sorry for being irresponsible and always resorting to the bar. If it makes you feel any better, I wasn’t always like this. I have ever been a hardworking handsome young man who loved Christ. I was once the man your mum fell in love with. The man she dedicated her whole life too. The man who helped her through college until she completed her education despite giving her children. I was once the man who took up the responsibility of his kids. While your mother was in college I worked for my family. I did odd jobs and worked too hard for my body to handle. But I never complained. I had to pay your mum’s fees, you and your siblings had just started pre-school and there was rent to pay. I know you remember we didn’t have much. But the little we had wasn’t handed over to us either. Life wasn’t a bed of roses then but neither was it a carpet of thorns. There was love and understanding. Mum did her end of the bargain. Finished school and passed well. But my child, this country hasn’t changed much. We did not know anyone who knew anyone.Maybe your uncle that works in the government ministry, though like you know him, he believes people who don’t have money are just lazy thus his help was seldom sought unless you are prepared to be on a tight short leash on him. So we had to settle for our small businesses and search for ends meet together. At some point it got tough, the debts we had incurred, public school wasn’t free then and business was starting to go down. It was atrocious. But you know how life is, its never so bad that it can’t get any worse. That is when we had to send you kids back to shosho’s place. You remember that time now, don’t you? You received your pre-school education there. Your mum and I never gave up. We decided to establish ourselves to at least create a family environment. You remember when we told you kids we once lived in a single room mabati house while you were in shagz? It was this time. We were still in the mitumba business. I hassled for bales of mitumbas while your mother did the distribution of clothes and selling them on the small kibanda we had secured. We managed well. We were a good team. After some good time, we got back on our feet and were able to bring you kids home. Life was good. It was lovable. We moved to a two roomed house and enrolled you kids to a public school. We were okay.

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Then where did life take a turn of events you ask?
Well, I was not always a good boy I must say, though I did try. So when I was working in the mitumba bales store, greed took the better of me. I tried to counsel myself and say it was for the family but it wasn’t. I desired a good life but I was not willing to stretch the extra mile for it. Therefore I sought the easiest way out, I secured an extra amount of the sales I made for myself and never informed my boss. But you know karma hits back and it hits hard. My wrongs caught up with me. I was fired and my reputation was spoiled therefore I couldn’t seek another job in Gikomba. Trust me child, you never know how small a place is until there’s bad rumours going round about you. And i may have done wrong but not everything that was told about me was true. Your mother didn’t give up on me. She never has. And may the Good Lord bless her for that. Disappointed? Oh she was. Dear Lord she was very disappointed. But she supported me nonetheless. Through her retail business, she gathered a good amount of money and helped set up another business in Nakuru. She saw something in me when no one else did. She still has a good hope for humanity. Long story short, that Nakuru business never worked out. I was repressing all my disappointment and my despair. I was alone there with really no family to talk to and new business wasn’t taking shape. With the pressure from my family, I was breaking out. Your mother took over the household responsibilities and I was forced to now depend on her. I didn’t like it either. Depending on her that is. It made me feel less like a man and the extended family was just worsening my situation by constantly reminding me and telling me that. It was depressing my child. And you know who was there for me always? My jug of hard liquor. Am not defending myself . Am not even proud of it myself. But she was always there. Always full. Never judging me or making me feel like am not man enough. And most important of all, she made me forget all my sorrows. Maybe for a second or two but I forgot them all the same. My Nakuru business capital and all the sales I made went to my hard liquor. I needed her more each day. I enjoyed not having to have to care the least in the world. I mean, your mothers business was doing well, you guys stayed in school most of the time. In fact, she even managed to save enough to buy a plot of land. And here I was asking her for 500kes to pay for my Nakuru rent or another 1000kes for business upkeep though it all went to the bottle. Broke and penniless, she sent me just enough money to come back home. Which I did. With nothing to do I would sit at home all day, read a one week old paper and wait. Waited for her to come home and question about my laziness and how I need to man up and find something to do. Something to do I did find. I searched. I searched all over the house for the pennies and coins. Gathered them together and on good days they were enough for a good’ol spirit. You remember the kind that was packed in paper sachets? Those ones yes. I watched in the evening as you kids got scolded for stealing money you had no idea was even there. But I was still the man in the house. I refused to be robbed of that. Sometimes I graduated from coins to notes. Notes of all values I had no discrimination. And when your mother ever had the guts to ask me I would hurl insults at her and depending on the value of the note a disgraceful beating would follow. Again, I am not the least proud of myself. I am just offering my pair of shoes. This has been going on for a good time. And as you know, good things come to those who love the Lord. She prayed for us. Without ceasing she prayed. She built her house. We moved in there and you kids were already grown up. You understood more. You knew your mother was the bread winner and I was just a drunken slob. You knew she owned everything that was offered to you and me? Just a drunken old slob. And what’s worse to hurt a father with more than that?
I terrified you. It made me feel respected though not loved. I would drink all these sorrows down from as early as ten in the morning. Your mother’s education had now paid off and she got a good employment. And me? Well, just a drunken old slob. This was a new neighbourhood though it didn’t take long before everyone figured that out. Even that bar I went to knew me as the man that was kept by the wife. That is not even half a man I tell you. I regularly got into fights there and if that was not enough brought my anger to your mum. If there was to be a punishment I deserved for being so cruel to a wonderful woman like your mother even I can’t spell it out myself. And you know what’s worse? Even when I threatened to kick her out of her own house(which I did temporarily out of purely selfish reasons), or burn down her business and her house, or worse still when I threatened to kill her and raise you kids by myself(not that I even knew how this was possible. I didn’t really think this one through), she still never gave up on me. It hurt me more than I can express that she loved me just the same. Sometimes i would get drunken silly and beat all you kids up just because I found you up or watching TV. I am sorry but I need you to understand it was never your fault. All the times I recklessly said offensive words to you and never apologized, all the times i beat you up harshly for something petty. It was never your fault. I apologize to the world that you had to grow up that way. I apologize to the people you interact with if you have become a selfish and insensitive person. That is because of how I was to you. Child I want you to know that you don’t have to live with your anger no more. I already live with it too raucously. Let me deal with it. My one prayer now is that you be free. I am sorry that your mother had to deal with me. Don’t carry that luggage, she already does. Dear child, its time that you be free from all the emotional chains I tied you too.
I know I never got to say it, neither did I ever say it, but I love you. All those times I kicked you out all I ever really wanted was a warm tight hug that I was too afraid to ask for. All the times you insulted you all I really wanted was to talk to you like you talked to your mother. I was jealous. And I had to much hatred within myself for myself. I don’t want you to forgive me or to accept me wholeheartedly, I just need you to untie yourself from my hate grip. I also need you to know I love your mother. I know I have had the most uncanny way of showing it but I do. She has the world’s largest and strongest of hearts. My child, never give up on love. Your mother didn’t. She suffered a great deal true. But our past and strong foundation kept her going. Lastly my child, I may have made you suffer all these when you were barely a child. But please, don’t let them define you. Don’t be greedy and selfish like I was in my defense. Don’t be insensitive and ignorant of the people who love you. Lest you suffer endlessly.
With love,
Your irresponsible and absentee father.

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The five stages of falling in love

bee
1. Become their friend. Be there for the heart breaks, the late night calls filled with tears. Love them in a different way. Love them with no intention. Love them like a sister, love them like a brother. Know their deepest secrets, keep them safe. Be there. Have inside jokes. Make a solid base before you build higher.
2. Notice them. Watch them when they walk. Watch their eyes when they talk to you about something they love. Watch the sparkle that fills them. Notice the little things. Notice the nervous ticks. How they laugh a little too loud when they’re nervous or how they sway side to side when they are uncomfortable. Notice the soft smiles and the little giggles. Notice them when they are upset and when they are happy. Notice them and I promise you that you will fall in love.
3. You won’t notice it at first. You’ll hear a joke that you think he’ll like and then you’ll see a movie that she would totally enjoy. You won’t think about it at all. And then you’ll see the color of his eyes and be taken back to the first time you properly got a look at them knowing full well that you could stare at them forever and ever. Or you’ll hear her name said and your mind will be brought to her face, or how his cologne will be sprayed and the thought of his warm sweatshirt makes you feel all gooey inside. And before you know it, you are fully consumed with the thought of them and who they are and then you realize that they are your thoughts.
4. There will come a point where all you want is them. Every time you will begin to choose them over everyone. Your friends, your family,everyone. You’ll hear the complaints about it. “You spend more time with them than me, than us” But how can you explain to them, that when you are near them, your whole world seems so right, and when you are apart, it seems to have fallen down on you, spinning, unsteady. That when you hear their voice the whole world literally rights it self up and even though you hear the words of criticism, it’s all worth it when you are in their arms.
5. Now here is the final stage. When you know if you are truly in the love you believe. Ask yourself: Do they course through your veins? Can you honestly tell yourself that they are the one? Do you flinch at the way they kiss you? And when you are done questioning yourself, throw them all away because love is not something that is completely practical, it is impractical, messy, hard, tough and amazing. And if you think you are in love then you are; for that is what love is. Love is what you think it is and you are the only one who can define it.
Happy valentines and enjoy yourself.
Thankyou for dropping by,

love #love

 

 

DEAR 20-SOMETHINGS, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ALREADY!

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Your‘Twenties’: the time in your life where you hardly have any idea who you are, yet you’re expected to have your sh*t together.

It’s complete B.S. but it’s a growing experience. Every drunken mistake, every part-time job you hate, every 2AM study session, every nerve-wrecking drive to an interview, every depressing job turn down, every tequila shot to your accomplishments–these are the craziest and best years of your life.

But if there’s one thing I hate about being in my twenties it’s the lax ‘I’ll figure it out later’ attitude I so often run into.

The whole ‘none of us have our lives figured out yet,’ the ‘just chill out,’ the ‘stop worrying about everything’ and the ‘you’re not supposed to have your sh*t together’ mindsets. Sure, yeah, there’s something to be said about not over-thinking, about relaxing, about not stressing over what you can’t control. But you’re in your twenties now. You really should start getting your life together.

Case in point:

“Bumping into things looking for food” 😂😂😂

A photo posted by @sexualaughs on Oct 27, 2015 at 6:52pm PDT

“fumbling around bumping into things looking for food.”

Really? Is this what being a twenty-something is all about? We’re just these zombie-idiots with no direction? I beg to differ.

Your twenties are the crazy, selfish, discovery years. You’re supposed to be exploring, traveling, making mistakes, falling in love, feeling on top of the world, and completely failing. You’re not supposed to have this grand plan of how everything is going to work out…but you should have something. You should have some sense of where you’re headed or want to go (…and hopefully that’s somewhere besides the pantry.)

I’m so tired of people saying “Oh, you’re only twenty-whatever. You’ll figure it out.” You’re damn right I will. But I’m not only twenty-whatever. I’m already twenty-whatever. The time is now.

No, I’m not old. But it’s not like I have years and years to just veg out on my parents’ couch. (Well, technically I could if I wanted…but I don’t.) How am I going to start my life from my parents’ couch? How am I going to establish myself? Be independent? Make money? Have a purpose?

I’ve seen this picture probably more than anything (especially with the influx of twenty-something engagements and babies). It’s a manifesto for the twenty-four-year-old that lives at home and doesn’t have a full time job. It’s a feel-good for the single, fifth year senior who’s dragging out another degree.

There’s nothing wrong with the quote. I mean, in many ways it’s true. If you sit there and think you’re supposed to have your life figured out, you’ll be completely paranoid and stuck. And you won’t get anywhere.

But that doesn’t mean you should just sit back and say, “Oh, well I’ll just figure it out when I get there.” What, exactly, will you figure out if you don’t proactively do something? And how will you know when you ‘get there’? (Unanswered questions).

I saw this the other day:

Crazy, right? Crazy to think that these amazing people were sucking at life when they were twenty-three. But you know what these people did? They got their lives together. They didn’t sit there making excuses for their lack of full-time jobs and no significant others and having kshs.500 to their names and living in their mother’s basements. They did something. Because they were in their twenties. And it was high time to get their sh*t together.

Now I’m not sitting here saying I have my life figured out. (Because dear God, I don’t). There’s really no way to have it all figured out, no way to plan for the unknown, no way to really know what it is you want to do with your life.

Not until you start. Not until you make a basic plan and it goes to sh*t and you start completely over. Not until you work a job and realize you hate it and begin the process again.

But you have to try. You have to do, go, live. Because these are the years to grow, to take a terrible job to find your limits, to go back for a second degree, to chase the human you love across the country, to change your major for the fourth time, to try a long distance relationship, to spend money on ridiculously expensive concerts, to move to a foreign city alone, to throw what’s realistic aside and follow your passions. But you can’t sit back passively and watch the years go by, hoping one day you’ll figure it out.

You have to get your sh*t together and start doing. Because for goodness sake, you’re twenty-three already!

WEALTH OF EXISTENCE

If you have no charity in your heart,you have the worst kind of heart trouble-Bob hope.

I saw a man today. On my way from work. Rugged and full of dirt he may have been but a man he still was. He stopped me. Right at the junction. In the middle of the road. Contrary to what I thought, he had a lot to say. I thought he was going to ask for a ten shilling or “atakama ni mbao madam”. Upon realization that I was in for a chat, I signaled we at least move to the side of the road.
He looked like he was well into his forties but his state and skin gave him twenty more years.
“My daughter, I am sorry to bother you. But you see, I am a mason by proffesion, but where we had been building we have not been paid …”

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Working hard and seeing my on sweat feels so good. 😄:D

Yes, his English was incredibly impeccable and I was blown away too.

He went on about how as a result of not being paid he had not eaten for the past two days.
I was not in a hurry. So I offered we enter Naivas supermarket. The kind of attention we drew was immense. We were searched thank you to the new security system in the country. The guard almost didn’t let him in.
“He’s with me”
I said as I smiled.
I gave him the luxury of picking anything he wanted starting with a packet of milk and bread. He went on to pick a packet of unga for mama watoto and when he was about to pick a packet of toothpaste, I realized that I would have to walk home. Although I wanted him to, I didn’t have the pleasure. I gestured he should return the toothpaste and the rest was enough.
We made our to the counter. People gave us way as they were afraid of getting into contact. It didn’t bother us much though. We were all shoppers, after all.
He thanked me, upon exiting Naivas. A simple thank you but I knew he meant it. It was simply enough.

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Later that night, I couldn’t help but wonder how many times we have judged people simply by how they look.
We never chose to be born where we are, simply by luck and grace. We therefore have no authority whatsoever to put off someone jut yo because you think they are not important enough.
I learnt also that this people posses one golden quality that most people lack, peace. Peace of the heart and mind.
Have you ever taken time to speak with a street child. Not much worries them. They live for the day, tomorrow is just but a fantasy.

Now before you put anyone off next time or think they are not important enough, think about what if that is you in another life?
And how exactly are blessings that you pray for everyday supposed to reach if you’re always pushing them away?

You have not really lived today, unless you do a good deed to a complete stranger who will never repay you.🙌

love, Bee 😘

Stress stretches, nah, I don’t think so :)

You don’t have to try so hard,
You don’t have to,give it all away,
You just need getup get up get up
You don’t need to change a single thing.

Try_Colbie Caillat

Hello dear readers
Are you sick of seeing those long dark stretch marks when you’re dressing up?
Your homies going out for a pool party but you just can’t get your sexy on with a bikini like the rest of us?
You have a great body and fancy crop tops but damn those stretch marks?

Relax honey because I know just about how to have your body back without them
Time to kick them out ..
First of, stretch marks is cracking of skin as a result of expansion or contraction.
The most basic and fundamental trick to avoid is to constantly apply lotion on areas where stretch marks are likely to occur or where they already are.
You see, hydrated skin behaves like an elastic should the stretch marks threaten to appear hence less likely to occur as opposed to dry skin which will give in and crack.
Applying lotion also keeps your skin soft and smooth.
For DIY moisturizer, combine wheat germ, olive oil and aloevera .
Unless you are pregnant or nursing, use of creams is also a go to choice. With stretch marks removal creams, always go for the ones that contain glycolic acid, letrix and Retin-A.

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For your natural ways, Crack an egg into as bowl. Rub gently on the affected areas. Preferably three times as day.
Eggs are said to be good on skin and more so stretch marks

Its worth atry huh??

When you are prepairing that potato stew, save one for yourself.
Potato juice is full of vitamins that help restore skin cells
Cut it into thick pieces and ensure they are full of juice
Allow it to dry for 5-15 mins.
Rinse it off with warm water.

In addition,you can also make a sugar scrub. A little sugar,oil and natural lemon juice,directly from the fruit. In place of sugar you could also use honey.
Rub the sweet smelling sugary  over your stretch for a minute or ten.

But remember, you don’t have to always be embarrassed about them.

Am looking forward to your response and comments on the remedies.
Hope to be of help lovelies 😘

love, Bee 😘

I got you babe😘

Whitney Houston.same script different cast

No,this post isn’t about whitney Houston and neither is it about the song. I still wonder though, why do spouses get jealous if they are cheated on or left for someone else yet they don’t feel bad about the fact that the spouse had other partners before and is most probably going to have more after you. Guess its all about whose turn it is.

All love stories have a foundation that was infatuation. How long the story lasts determines how deep it was. The beginning being a deep attraction which many like to call crush. Crushing on someone is better than loving them. Why you may ask?
You see, crushing on someone, you create an illusion of them in your head and how it will be like to love them. The illusion is so serene you would swear you want to live in your fantasy. Using the example of one very heavy crush I have witnessed. Tyler is such a talented singer, no he is not my friend. I watched him on YouTube while doing my rounds there. His crush is on Taylor Swift. In his song, call me Tyler Swift, he swears that if he was ever married to Taylor he would take her second name. That’s just how fairy crushes are. No flaws at all with your crush and nothing would ever be a hindrance why you wouldn’t perfect her. The desire to make your fantasy come true becomes so strong That you finally open up to them and with goodwill the relationship takes off. Up until the fourth date, you are so mesmerized that they would accept to be with you that you go out of your way to impress them. As time goes by,you come to realize that they don’t match the character you had in your head when you were crushing on them.
This however could be two way, they would be above your character making your reality better than your dreams or below your character and you are left wishing you had known better because in the process love developed in between.

love, Bee 😘

Girl codes.

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So us as ladies need to understand a few things about each other altogether.
Gentlemen, feel free to ignore this one
unless of course you want to take a
sneak peek into “girl world,” and while
I can promise that you may find some of
it interesting, I cannot promise that you
won’t leave scarred. Ladies, we need to
have a chat about girl code. Of course,
girl code comes with a long set of both
written and unwritten rules, but I think
some rules are more important than
others, so I insist that we go over the top
10 girl code rules according to Kovie Biakolo and of course approved by me, just to make sure
we’re all keeping in line, and having
each others’ backs because Lord knows,
we could use it.
1. No hating on other women that you don’t
know.
Ladies, why do we do this? There is no
reason to talk badly about a girl that
you saw across the room, no reason at
all. She is not trying to steal your
friends, or your man, or your job, she’s
doing her own thing, now walk over,
introduce yourself and the two of you
could be BFFs in no time. Or just mind
your business and leave her alone.
2. No hating on other women’s success.
That’s another thing ladies, we need to
stop treating success — whether it’s at
work or in relationships — as if it is a
zero-sum game. There is plenty of room
for all of us on this earth and even
when we compete against each other for
the same thing, let’s keep it classy, and
should we lose, endure it gracefully.
3. Figure out your group’s “man rules” before
shit happens.
Some things have to be taken for
granted, such as you need permission to
date a friend’s ex or former interest — I
know I don’t need to remind any of you
of this. Other than that, I have seen too
many friendships fall apart because of a
guy so you and your circle of friends
need to figure out the rules. Is it a free
for all if you like the same guy? Does
whoever yells “dibs” first get to be the
one who gets the first approach? Figure
it out before shit happens.
4. Presence is required if a friend has been
dumped.
Unless you are deathly sick or are about
to win the $1 million on Who Wants To
Be A Millionaire?, if your friend has
been dumped, you have to be there. If
you’re a really good friend, you’ll be
there with pizza and wine.
5. If your friend is recently dumped,
rejected, or deemed legitimately miserable
for any reason, they get a weekend of doing
whatever they want with you as the
babysitter.
I’m not saying you should let your
friend commit any crimes but you have
to understand that they’re going
through a hard time and just need to
release. So suck it up, and let them do
just that.
6. Honesty is the best policy for, “How do I
look?”
Sometimes when I see some outfits, I
wonder whose friends let them walk out
like that. This is where I have to give
cheers to my girls — they would never
let me leave the house looking like a
fashion victim. Tell the truth ladies, tell
the truth.
7. Girls shall ALWAYS help other girls escape
unwanted attention from guys.
This can be as simple as dancing with
another girl at a club or as difficult as
pretending to be her friend in a public
place (totally done that, by the way), in
order for her to escape. Most of the
time, it won’t cost you anything but a
minute so please let’s help each other
out because some guys unfortunately
can’t get a clue.
8. If a girl looks intoxicated and looks like
she needs a friend, be her friend.
While the easy route is to point, be
judgmental, and tell yourself that it’s
not your problem, I am asking at the
very least that you go up to her and ask,
“Are you okay?” People in this state of
mind can easily be taken advantage of
in the worst way and that one question
can change that possibility. This is the
one situation where you are your
sister’s keeper.
9. When required, be a wingwoman.
I know it sucks sometimes because you
might not be remotely interested in
talking to any of the friends of your
girlfriend’s crush, love interest, or
whatever, but come on, take one for the
team. If they hit it off, your wingwoman
services will probably not even be
needed for a long time, and if they
don’t, well, you and your friend can
retreat from that crowd soon.
10. “That Time Of The Month” Sympathies.
Whether it’s offering a stranger a
tampon or being sensitive to a friend
during her time of the month if she
needs it, the golden rule shall be
exercised to the fullest extent in this
area.
To wrap this up, let’s listen to some TLC.